My ex used to literally make me sick.
I would get headaches after our conversations. My stomach would hurt before our dates. I would feel tired and drained after spending long periods of time with him. I even broke out with a huge rash before meeting his parents!
(Ok, so it turns out the rash was an allergic reaction to medication and had nothing to do with him. But still…)
Do you want to know why my body went haywire in this relationship? Because I was not listening to my intuition.
So many dating and relationship coaches will tell you to believe a person’s actions, not their words. And there is some truth to that. If a man really cares about you, he will be consistent in showing that he cares. He will make a concerted effort to get to know you and to make you happy.
But as you move from struggle love to calling in soulmate love, you have to understand that listening is important, too. For example:
If a man calls you “Big Money,” says “I’m trying to get like you,” or talks a lot about how independent you are, he is a hobosexual who will drain your money.
If he constantly talks about his mother doing everything by herself, and he says it with pride, he will expect you to pay bills, cook, clean and wrangle the kids, while he comes home from work and chills.
If all his compliments are about your physical appearance, and none about your intelligence or other skills, he’s trying to get laid.
If he constantly puts down other women, you will be his next target of ridicule.
On the other hand…
If he genuinely listens, and brings up things from past conversations, he’s actually trying to get to know you as a person.
If he changes the conversation when you start talking about your salary or promotions, it’s because he’s not looking for you to provide for him.
If he openly discusses family values and marriage without your prompting, he’s looking to settle down.
If he brings up your grace, your intelligence, your sense of humor, your emotional maturity, and your soft skills when complimenting you, he is actively evaluating you as a partner, not a notch in his belt.
This particular ex I was dating said plenty of things that made it clear that he was not emotionally available for a relationship. When my brain ignored those things, my body tried to step in and alert me.
Yes, actions matter. But if you really want to hone your discernment and find your soulmate, make sure you’re listening, too.
Resources to Check Out:
Podcast: Are You Moving Too Fast?